Push for PORTER

0'Rafferty's Pig was a wonderful animal, built like a battleship solid and stout;
Its insolence was a disgrace to a cannibal, impudence written all over its snout.
The night it broke loose, there was such a commotion, the women were screaming, the men turning pale
There was running and jumping, colliding and bumping, and everyone making a grab at his tail.

It ran through the courthouse and scattered the witnesses, swallowed the bible; the judge did a jig
Sayin 'Postpone this case , but the local solicitor argued a witness could swear on the pig.
The pig looked at Riley the principal witness, then ran for the grocers next door to McCann's
It rolled in the butter, then out in the gutter, and that's how it kept slipping out of their hands.

Micky Moloney, the heavyweight champion, ran at the pig with a big rolling pin;
He struck it a blow and caught Mrs Munroe, and shifted her bonnet right under her chin.
Mattie Mullarkey fell through a shop window, in pickles and jam and fresh herrings he lay;
There were eggs and red jellies all stuck to his wellies, the night that O Rafferty's pig got away.

Now big Jimmy Flanagan ran like an elephant, puffing and blowing with eyes all on fire,
But he fell on the floor and, begorrah, the sound, it was just like the burst of a pneumatic tyre;
Donovan he got the pig in a corner; he jumped on its back and crashed into a dray;
His nose was reshapen, the watchers all gapin', the night that O Rafferty's pig got away.

A bloodthirsty crowd, headed by Dinny Cassidy, chased it with vengeance all round North Kildare;
And didn't they curse when the pig with audacity jumped on a bus and sat watching them swear;
It ran at the legs of old Councillor Burke, oh, a man of great standing and lofty ideas,
And when they collided, old Burke he back-sided and down went the standing of 25 years.

Well, Burke's wooden leg it was broken and shattered; he lay on his back roaring, 'Doctor Lamont!'
But Barney 0 Toole grumbled, 'Don't be a fool! It's a hammer and saw and a joiner you want.'
Then came the news that the pig had been captured, the town planned a thanksgiving dinner next day;
With cabbage and bacon, but they were mistaken; cos O Rafferty's pig, it again ran away.