Push for PORTER

izquierdaMrs Gilhooley’s Partyderecha
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Mrs Gilhooley gave a grand party one night,
she invited us all to attend.
So we gathered a gang and went down to her house
a few pleasant hours to spend.
There was Tríona and Micheál, a few more and myself,
a more impudent crowd hard to find,
But the thing most important we nearly forgot,
we near left the ould piper behind.

We invited him down to the party -
he brought his bagpipes by chance,
We asked him to sing, but he says ‘Ah, no -
but I'll play youse a bit of a dance.’
So he took up the pipes and he started to play,
some lads were fooling about,
And they cut a big hole in the bag of his pipes
and this was the tune that came out.

(Collier's Reel lilted)

When the piper found out that his bags had been cut,
he made a great leap on the floor,
He met the first one with a great uppercut
and caught him straight under the jaw.
Mrs Gilhooley she fainted, they all made a rush
to try to get out of the door,
But the piper had ten of them taking the count,
and he swore he would lick twenty more.

So the next time you go to a party
you better keep this in your mind,
Don't you go vexing the piper,
and you'll find he's a gentleman kind.
But if the trouble should start, stay out of his way,
for he packs a mighty paltóg,
You won't see it coming but boy, when it lands,
you'll find it's an Irish ciotóg.