Kevin Paul, Harold Arpthorp
Twas the day of the gravedigger's wedding
The cemetery was shrouded in gloom
The young men all sat in silence
Playing tiddleywinks on a tomb
The villagers came up the high street
Trying their best not to grieve
They were losing their jolly young sexton
And for him there could be no reprieve
The village had all been invited
invitations sent out to each guest
it said "Be at the church about midday"
and ended "No flowers, by request".
Mr Coffin the star undertaker
was giving his daughter away
And despite his morose occupation
He was doing his best to look gay
He'd made all the final arrangements
and greeted the groom face to face
He thought he looked young and healthy
But he measured the lad just in case
The parson stood solemnly waiting
The bride all covered in veils
Her train was held up by two pageboys
and his trousers by two coffin nails
The bridegroom was late for the wedding
And the crowd was getting alarmed
He was down in the old Hope and Anchor
Getting completely embalmed
When the parson had solemnly blessed them
And joined them for better or worse
The organ played "Rescue the Perishing"
As they travelled off in the hearse.
The guests followed on to the breakfast
The bridesmaids followed in a cab
The feast was laid out in the cemetery
and the best man was laid out on a slab
The food was all cold as it should be
They had spared no expense you could tell
An abundance of very stiff jelly
and a cake with brass handles as well
The verger had charge of the breakfast
And the most popular toast that he gave
was "Long life and health to the bridegroom
May he live to dig many a grave"
And when the feast was over
and they'd all filled themselves with hot toddy
One by one they trooped up the stairs
And everyone viewed the body.
