Come all ye dry land sail-i-ors and listen to my song
It's only forty verses and I won't detain you's long
It's all about the adventures of this old Lisburn tar
Who sailed as man before the mast on the good ship Calibar
Now the Calibar was a spanking craft, pitch bottomed for and aft
Her helm, it stuck out far behind and her wheel was a great big shaft
With half a gale to fill her sail, she'd do a knot an hour
She's the fastest craft on the Lagan Canal and she's only one horse power
Now, the captain was a strapping lad and he stood just four foot two
His eyes was red and his nose was green and his cheeks was a prussian blue
He wore a leather medal that he won in the Crimea War
And the captain's wife was the passenger cook on the good ship Calibar
Now, the captain say to me "Me lad, look here, me lad" says he
"Would you's like to be a sail-i-or and sail the raging sea?
Would you's like to be a sail-i-or on foreign seas to roll
For we're under orders from Portadown with a half a ton of coal"
It was early next morning, the weather, it being sublime
When passing under the old Queen's Bridge, we heard the Albert's chime
When going along the gaswork straits, a very dangerous part
We ran aground on a lump of coal that wasn't marked down on the chart
Then all became confuse-i-on and the stormy winds did blow
The bos'n slipped on an orange peel, fell into the hold below
"Put on more speed", the captain cried "for we are sorely pressed"
But the engineer from the bank replied "Sure the horse is doing his best"
Then we all fell into the water and we all let out a roar
There was a farmer standing there and he threw us the end of his galloses
And he pulled us all ashore
No more I'll be a sail-i-or or sail the raging main
And the next time I go to Portadown, I'll go by the bloody train